When the Holidays Hurt: Taking Care of Yourself at Christmas as a Spoonie

Christmas is supposed to feel warm, magical, and full of joy — at least that’s what we’re told. But the reality is often much more complicated, especially when you live with chronic illness, struggle with limited energy, or carry heavy holiday stress. And for many, Christmas highlights family expectations, complicated relationships, or the painful truth of having no family at all.

No matter what your holidays look like, one thing is certain:
You’re allowed to take care of yourself first.

The “Spoons of Christmas”: Managing Energy During the Holidays

Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory explains what so many of us with chronic illness experience every day: our energy comes in limited amounts. Each “spoon” represents physical, mental, or emotional energy — and every task, conversation, or event during the holidays costs spoons.

Some activities that drain a non-spoonie only slightly can fully deplete someone living with:

• Chronic fatigue

• Autoimmune disease

• Long COVID

• Fibromyalgia

• Burnout

• IBD

• Invisible illness

And then comes Christmas, where everything suddenly costs more spoons than usual.

Why Christmas Drains Spoonies Faster

The holidays often bring:

✨ More socializing
✨ More sensory overload
✨ More travel
✨ More family pressure
✨ More emotional triggers
✨ More comparison
✨ Less routine
✨ Less rest

Even positive moments — cooking, gift-giving, catching up — can intensify holiday fatigue and drain your already limited energy faster.

And if you’re spending Christmas alone or without family, the weight of holiday loneliness can be just as exhausting.

When Family Is Hard on Your Health

Being around family can be supportive — or incredibly draining. Many spoonies struggle with:

• Unrealistic expectations from relatives

• Comments about your appearance or health

• Guilt for resting or leaving early

• Pressure to participate in everything

• Feeling misunderstood or dismissed

• Grieving your old self
  

If your family doesn’t understand your limitations, you may feel invisible in your own experience. This emotional toll is a major, often underestimated, cause of Christmas burnout.

If You Don’t Have Family to Celebrate With

The holidays can intensify grief and isolation. Whether your family relationships are complicated, unsafe, or simply nonexistent, your story is valid.

You are not broken.
You are not behind.
You are not less deserving of connection.

You’re allowed to create a Christmas that supports your mental health, even if it looks nothing like the traditional version.

Practical Ways to Protect Your Spoons & Reduce Holiday Stress

Here are gentle tools to help you pace yourself, honour your energy, and avoid post-holiday crashes:

✨ Rest before, during, and after social events
✨ Do one thing at a time — avoid multitasking
✨ Take breaks often, even if others don’t
✨ Prioritize tasks you truly care about
✨ Let “good enough” be enough
✨ Meditate or practice mindfulness for grounding
✨ Say no without guilt
✨ Set boundaries around your energy
✨ Create traditions that support your well-being
✨ Give yourself permission to leave early or opt out entirely

You’re not failing by protecting yourself — you’re practicing self-care, self-compassion, and nervous system regulation, which you need now more than ever.

You Are Not Falling Behind

Christmas is not a performance.
It’s not a test of endurance.
It’s not a measure of your worth.

Whether you’re celebrating with others, spending the day alone, or doing something entirely different…

You are doing your best with the spoons you have — and that is enough.